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Equine jokes to make you hoarse with laughter
Is there a lull in conversation at the barn? Need something to break the ice at a competition? Or, perhaps a horse-loving friend or colleague could do with a giggle (or a groan?). Sounds like you need some hilarious equine jokes in your life.
Horses’ joy-inspiring capabilities know no bounds. From offering a friendly whinny to pulling funny faces, it’s as if they know they’re making us smile.
On the flip side, as any horse owner will tell you, they can find ways to be intensely frustrating. They break things, self-inflict injuries in the most creative ways and regularly come in from the pasture wearing fewer shoes than they went out with, which makes you wonder: “why do horses wear shoes in the first place?”
With that in mind, it’s easy to see why horse folk need a sense of humor and, thankfully, there’s no shortage of horse-related humor and pony puns in the world. So, what are the best equine jokes? Here’s a list of our favorites. Be warned, though – some of these equine jokes are more likely to elicit an eyeroll than a guffaw!
Best equine jokes
1. A horse walks into a bar…
“Ouch!” says the horse.
2. A horse walks into a bar…
“Hey,” says the barman.
“You read my mind,” replies the horse.
3. A couple of racehorses were chatting in a barn…
One starts to brag about his track record. “In my last 15 races, I’ve won eight!”
“Not bad,” concedes the other. “But get this. In the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”
At this point, a greyhound who’d been sitting and quietly listening pipes up: “I don’t mean to boast, but in my last 70 races, I’ve won 68 of them.”
The horses’ mouths drop open; they are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says the first one, “a talking dog!”
4. What’s a horse’s favorite wine?
Chardon-neigh!
5. A man and his talking pony have a booth at the county fair…
A young girl walks up to the booth and pays the man a quarter to hear the pony speak.
“Hi, what’s your name?” she asks the pony.
The pony says nothing.
“Excuse me, I asked you for your name,” repeats the girl.
Still, the pony is silent.
“HELLO!” she says, frustrated, “Can you understand me?”
The pony doesn’t reply.
“You’re a liar. This pony can’t speak at all!” says the girl to the man.
“Oh, he can speak alright,” he replies, “but right now, he’s just a little hoarse.”
6. What did the mare say when her foal came back after curfew?
“It’s pasture bedtime!”
7. Why do cowboys ride horses?
Because they’re too heavy to carry.
8. A cowboy buys a horse from a pastor…
Before he takes the horse away, the pastor explains: “when you want him to go, you gotta shout ‘thank God!’, and when you want him to stop, you gotta yell, ‘hallelujah!’
The cowboy thanks the pastor and rides off. Things are going well until the horse, spooked by a rattlesnake, takes off towards a cliff at speed.
For the life of him, the cowboy can’t remember how to get the horse to stop. “Amen!” he shouts, “Hosanna! Err, hallelujah!”
The horse grinds to a halt just in the nick of time. Relieved, the cowboy wipes the sweat from his brow. “Phew!” he says, “thank God!”
9. What’s a horse’s favorite store?
Barnes & Noble!
10. I but a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1, and it did!
Unfortunately, all the others came in at 12.30.
11. When does a horse talk?
Whinny wants to!
12. Have you heard the one about the runaway horse?
It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!
13. A jockey buys the cheapest racehorse he could find…
He’s walking it down the road when he bumps into a friend.
“What are you planning on doing with that nag?” says the friend.
“Race it,” replies the jockey.
“Well, by the looks of it,” laughs his friend, “you’ll probably win!”
14. What do you give a sick horse?
Cough stirrup!
15. What’s the hardest thing about learning to horseback ride?
The ground!
16. Why do you never see horses using Android phones?
They prefer Apples!
17. Where do equestrian newlyweds stay?
The bridle suite!
18. Why did the man stand behind the horse?
He was hoping to get a kick out of it!
19. A horse walks into a movie theater and takes his seat…
The woman next to him asks: “Excuse me, are you a horse?”
“Why yes, I am,” the horse replies.
“I don’t mean to be rude,” the woman continues, “but what on earth are you doing here?”
The horse says: “I really liked the book.”
20. One of my friends is half horse…
He’s the life of the party – always the centaur of attention!
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